Screens and Teens: How Much is Too Much? Insights and Recommendations for Parents

I have been wanting to write this particular blog for some time now.  In my practice, I address the impact of smartphones and other technology on mental health on a weekly basis.  Smart phones are a part of our everyday life.  I think most of us would agree they are a wonderful invention and there have been some great benefits to having them.  However, there is also a downside.  We now have a decade of smart phones in the hands of young people which allows us to evaluate the impact these devices have had.  I don’t believe it is just youth who are impacted by their phones, but this blog will focus primarily on the impact of smartphones on our children and what parents can do to help their children use their phones in a healthy way.

Smart phones became popular among teens in 2011-2012.  Teens today spend an average of six hours a day on technology and tweens, ages 8 to 12, spend five hours a day.  This does not include the time using their phones for homework purposes.  Unfortunately, the use of their devices for activities such as reading, writing, video chatting or creating content remains minimal.

When we look at rates of depression, there has been a drastic and alarming increase. When we compare rates of depression in 2007 (before smart phones) and 2017, rates of depression have increased by 59%.  When we compare girls’ verses boys, the numbers are even higher for girls.  For teen girls, depression spikes to an increase of 66% where boys are at 44%.  We also see increases in suicides.  46% more teens, ages 15-19, committed suicide in 2015 compared to 2007 and there were two and a half times more 12–14-year old’s that took their life.  There is not a decrease in this trend as suicide remains the second leading cause of death among youth.

The risk of unhappiness due to social media use is the highest for younger teens. Middle schoolers report higher levels of depression than high schoolers.  A possible explanation is that middle school is when most teens are allowed access to social media.  It is new and they don’t yet have the experience or maturity to manage it well.

You may think that perhaps there are other factors that contribute, and technology is not the key variable.  Well, there is evidence that technology is a significant cause for these increases.  Studies looking at Facebook have demonstrated the more teens used Facebook, the unhappier they later felt. However, feeling unhappy did not lead to more Facebook use.  Another study demonstrated that college students who had taken a break from Facebook were significantly happier, less lonely, and less depressed.  Those who chose to stay off Facebook after the study was over were less likely to report feeling sad, angry, or worried at follow up.  Clearly these findings are not particular to Facebook.  At the time of the study, Facebook happened to be the most widely used social media platform among youth.

In my work with teenagers, when they choose to take a “Social Media break” they report feeling less depressed and anxious.  Unfortunately, the majority of my clients end up returning to social media as it is the primary format teens now use to communicate.  They will often say their friends will not text them back and no one calls each other anymore.  According to them, If you want to stay connected, you have to be on social media.  There is a particular statement I hear repeatedly from parents when they decide to take their child’s phone away.  They say, “I got my child back.”  The first 24 hours or so are rough.  After that, they notice their child is more engaged and their mood is more upbeat and positive.

The amount of time spent on devices matters.  The more time spent, the greater the impact.  So how much screen time is too much? Risks start to increase with screen time of two hours or more a day and go up from there.  Those who are on their smart phones five or more hours a day are at considerably higher risks of unhappiness and suicide. Remember I mentioned the average time teens spend on their phones a day is six hours and tweens spend on average five.  No wonder rates of depression and suicide have skyrocketed over the last decade.  Teens who spend more than three hours a day on electronic devices are 35% more likely to have at least one suicide risk factor.  Students who play sports, exercise and see their peers face to face on a regular basis have lower rates of depression.  Unfortunately, over the last decade, the number of teens who get together with their friends every day has been cut in half.

In my practice when clients share about conversations with their friends, I have learned to ask in what format these conversations take place.  9 out of 10 times they will tell me it is through social media.  Communicating through social media or even gaming devices has replaced texting and more importantly, face to face conversations.  This has been the wave of communication among adolescents long before COVID.

Even before COVID, we have made it easier and almost socially acceptable to stay isolated.  You don’t need to pick up a phone to have a conversation when you can just communicate through texting or social media.  The problem with this communication style is youth are failing to learn how to handle conflict.  When there is a conflict, they can “ghost” the person (language used when someone chooses to no longer communicate with someone, and no reason is given).  Afterall, ignoring is easier than having a conversation.  The other option is to send a message via texting or some social media platform.

Since COVID, students in most schools across the country have been given the opportunity to continue to do school online or do a hybrid where they are at least on campus, in the classroom 2 days a week.  Most of my clients have chosen online and the number one reason I hear is because “It’s easier”.  Most of them wake up one to two minutes before class starts.  They roll over, (most don’t even get out of bed), turn their computer on, black out their screen and many go back to sleep or get on their phones.  Easier does not mean better.  Not only are these students failing to learn but doing school online further lessons the opportunity for students to develop their social skills.

One last point about the impact of devices on learning.  I hear parents and students talk about how there is too much homework, and it is causing too much stress among young people.  The reality is students don’t have any more homework than the baby boomer generation.  The difference is, we baby boomers did not have cell phones.  Young people are spending 6-7 hours a day on average on their cell phones and this does not include use for homework.  That is a great deal of time in one day considering they are in school 7+ hours a day.  Also, think about how many times their phone dings or buzzes indicating they have a new message.  If they are doing homework, it is a huge time waster.  One has to break their concentration from their study, view the message(s), respond, and then take the time to re-focus on where they were at in their studies.

Face-to-face social interaction is vital for brain development and building a sense of self between the age of ten and twenty-four.  Since young people are not spending as much time in face-to-face interactions, they are developing their sense of self based on social media.  No wonder young girls are constantly in search of likes and positive comments on their pages.  More and more are posting sexy and revealing photos because those posts get the most likes.  Those likes unfortunately are the barometer for their self-worth.

An important element contributing to well-being is sleep.  When we don’t get enough sleep, we are more emotional, irritable, less alert and less attentive during the day.  Many of my clients note a huge improvement in mood when they get the required sleep they need.  Six-to-thirteen-year-olds require 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night and fourteen-to-seventeen-year-olds require 8-10 hours of sleep.  One study showed that teens who spent three or more hours a day on electronic devices were 28% more likely to get less than seven hours of sleep which is less than the required number of hours they need each night. No wonder teens are struggling.  One of the reasons they have difficulty managing the demands of life is because they are sleep deprived.

Although this blog is about youth, I want to make the point that it is not just youth who spend too much time on their devices.  How often do you see families out to dinner where everyone is on their phone or the kids have a gaming device in their hands?  Or a couple out to dinner and one or both are on their phone?  I have heard about families in the same home, text each other rather than go to the room where their loved one is in order to have a conversation.

So, let’s get practical.  How can we help youth utilize their devices in a way that does not take a toll on their well-being.  Here are some recommendations:

• For younger kids, consider a phone that does not have internet access. I realize you may want your child to have a phone so you can reach them and vice versa.  A basic phone will accomplish this.  Consider holding off on a Smart Phone until at least high school.  And even then, there is no magic age.  Do you believe your child has the maturity and the social/emotional skills to use a Smart phone wisely? Some people make the argument that teens will be on social media eventually, so you might as well get them a phone early.  Remember the link between social media use and depression are strongest among the youngest teens.
• A good step between a basic phone and a Smart phone is to sign them up on social media but from your computer. They can check in on their friends briefly and communicate about getting together, but it’s not constantly in their pockets and hands like a smartphone. You can check in more easily on what they are viewing, along with time spent on Social Media. This way you can gage their readiness.
• Before giving your teen a Smart phone, install an app that limits the amount of time she/he can spend on it. It’s tempting to give your teen the phone first and see if she/he is a responsible user, but it’s better to install the controls first before passcodes are changed or your child becomes addicted to social media. It’s just too easy for that to happen. Smart phones are made purposely to be addicting.
• Don’t assume kids understand the dangers of social media.  Have a conversation with them about how every post (even those that say they don’t last) never truly goes away.
• It is best to have the rule of no phone during study time and when sleeping. I would also remove all gaming devices from their room at night as they can be used for both playing games and texting.
• Try an experiment as a family for two weeks. Cut your phone, Internet, and social media time in half, and use that time to see friends and family in person, exercise and get enough sleep. More than likely, you and your family will end that time feeling happier.
• Parents be the example. Model healthy screen time for your children.
• Watch the Social Dilemma on Netflix as a family.  It is a wonderfully made documentary that I believe will keep the entire family engaged.  Have an honest conversation afterwards about what you all learned and discuss possible changes you want to make personally and as a family.